IN to NC 15/31

Friday. Marks a week of calls, creative adjustments and new plans for move of “stuff”. I didn’t anticipate those processes being more of a challenge than transporting the family pet across several states and many hours. Chalk it all up to doable challenge I suppose.

Overtime equates to the work week not being over at the close of today. Had the normal 40 hours for this gig been in effect, I would have gotten to leave yesterday at noon. I’ve decided it will be easier to embrace this week into the next two work weeks as a unit of time that won’t be measured in hours but rather in conclusions of tasks. We’ll see if that masks the other ways I would otherwise choose to spend my non-work time.

As the Universe smiles upon me, reminding me to see humor in things large and small, I just opened a “Recognition of Service” thank-you card from my employer. Early February would mark my 17th year of service.

This week also brought about a daily text exchange with someone who’d been out of touch for a number of years. The brief interlude has been fun, past shared experiences recalled, through as few as a handful of words that spark the reason we possibly connected originally.

The Universe smiles.

 

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IN to NC 6/31

Nick Drake’s Riverman looping through office speakers; Melody seems to be supporting that lump in throat that sprang forth and remains from chat last night with my soul sister/friend.

Observation: Fine line between those feelings of next big adventure excitement and overwhelm.

Other: Yo Yo Ma, Bach Six Cello Suites; Five for Fighting; Melody Gardot; Hozier; Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats; KONGOS; twenty one pilots; Imagine Dragons

Snap!

I’m on a mission.  Purpose driven.  Big stuff. Balancing the heavy with humor the best I can. Reading helps, as does rest.  Snacks, too.

Until very recently I held this notion that I lacked focus.  For me this notion propelled my normal flits of thought into chaotic mind-chatter, compelling me to believe I wasn’t contributing anything of purpose back into my world.  Crazy talk, I tell you!  My self isn’t always generous with me.

It seems my higher-self decided she’d had enough of me and offered some clarity. Snap! The thought materializes. I see and hear it!  A realization that I have in fact been intently focused.  A wonderfully long-term focus. (Mom)-hood.  Huge moment of expansion.  Relief.  Maybe what I contribute does matter.  Perhaps I am offering something meaningful.

A clarification of focus:(mom)hood:

I make my choices and try to move in directions that best support raising my daughter.  As I believe processes to roll, I get the privilege of always being her mommy. I am meant to encourage, support, and amaze in her growing years, so that she might step into her own strong, equipped and enlightened self.  There is meant to be a degree of separation to come.

Back to my Snap! moment.  With the relief, and clarification of my role as mom, I had to quickly assess my perceived lack of focus.  It seemed this meant I could reframe the story I kept telling myself, and sometimes others.

If I’ve always known my focus:(mom)hood role would cease in its current form, then it has been important to seek and determine what’s next. The what-comes-next process has been a long running research and contemplation effort. Numerous interests, the desire to learn, while remaining gainfully employed full-time, coupled with the focus:(mom)hood project… well, see above. Chaotic mind-chatter!

I wavered in this shiny new Snap! revelation.  Could I really reframe my lack chatter? Call in the troops.  I share Snap! with her, asking that she call me out if I wasn’t speaking a truth.  Could she see me in the Snap!?  Was I being honest in this contemplation?

I hear an excited “Yes!” followed by affirming and loving statements as to how she sees me, has always seen me.  Seems my Snap! offered my best pal some joy as well. The conversation closed. Relief and something more continued.

I gently, humbly, with total reverence, acknowledged and gave thanks for the moments of grace I had been bestowed. And started reframing my story!  So continues the journey.