NC: You have presented some twists and shifts to whatever preconceived plan I had. For the new location, new connection, new gig, I give thanks. I stepped into the next big adventure to experience this big adventure. Gratitude.
You have not always been at the forefront of my thoughts, a shame really. I mean there is an abundance of gratitude I do feel for you, though in my life I do not think you have heard it expressed directly. Over the course of my life, you have carried me forward 600 months, give or take a few. Marching band, hikes, biking, casual walks, dancing, exercise, up stairs and down. You have covered countless miles.
There have been a few specific experiences where you brought my attention to you front and center. Remember the Grand Tetons? That 7-day backpacking trek through, over and around the mountains… It was a glorious adventure, and you held up your end of that bargain with flying colors. I took you for granted, and you did not let me down. You held the weight of that pack, those wool socks and boots, through snow, water, shale, along switchbacks and through meadows. You were strong and steadfast, and held me up through to the end.
I unwittingly did you harm the fall of 2013. I did not prepare you well for a work event and wore shoes not suitable for the work that we were tasked with. My unfortunate poor choice in footwear created a pain in the right foot that stays with us still. For the most part, each step I take, or balance pose I attempt, is a reminder of the healing that continues to take place. You continue to heal. Even with the discomfort, you still carry me on.
Thank you for the places you have carried me, and for your supportive ways.
Friday. Marks a week of calls, creative adjustments and new plans for move of “stuff”. I didn’t anticipate those processes being more of a challenge than transporting the family pet across several states and many hours. Chalk it all up to doable challenge I suppose.
Overtime equates to the work week not being over at the close of today. Had the normal 40 hours for this gig been in effect, I would have gotten to leave yesterday at noon. I’ve decided it will be easier to embrace this week into the next two work weeks as a unit of time that won’t be measured in hours but rather in conclusions of tasks. We’ll see if that masks the other ways I would otherwise choose to spend my non-work time.
As the Universe smiles upon me, reminding me to see humor in things large and small, I just opened a “Recognition of Service” thank-you card from my employer. Early February would mark my 17th year of service.
This week also brought about a daily text exchange with someone who’d been out of touch for a number of years. The brief interlude has been fun, past shared experiences recalled, through as few as a handful of words that spark the reason we possibly connected originally.
The Universe smiles.
Lunch today with a friend who will be celebrating her birthday Sunday. It may be the last time we share face time before I depart to all things NC. I’m blessed by a multitude of these lasts. Each I have felt, gentle flicks upon the skin, a call to attention physically to what I am also feeling emotionally. Fully present in each moment.
Soundtracks: Michael Buble It’s Time, U2 Joshua Tree
Logistics: Relocation move quote gathering
Gratitude: family afar, friends near
Early day roll: A smile from my friend in red, good tunes, sun shining and birds singing outside the office window. Declaring the day a success! Time: 9a.m. Oh, yeah!
I’m on a mission. Purpose driven. Big stuff. Balancing the heavy with humor the best I can. Reading helps, as does rest. Snacks, too.
Until very recently I held this notion that I lacked focus. For me this notion propelled my normal flits of thought into chaotic mind-chatter, compelling me to believe I wasn’t contributing anything of purpose back into my world. Crazy talk, I tell you! My self isn’t always generous with me.
It seems my higher-self decided she’d had enough of me and offered some clarity. Snap! The thought materializes. I see and hear it! A realization that I have in fact been intently focused. A wonderfully long-term focus. (Mom)-hood. Huge moment of expansion. Relief. Maybe what I contribute does matter. Perhaps I am offering something meaningful.
A clarification of focus:(mom)hood:
I make my choices and try to move in directions that best support raising my daughter. As I believe processes to roll, I get the privilege of always being her mommy. I am meant to encourage, support, and amaze in her growing years, so that she might step into her own strong, equipped and enlightened self. There is meant to be a degree of separation to come.
Back to my Snap! moment. With the relief, and clarification of my role as mom, I had to quickly assess my perceived lack of focus. It seemed this meant I could reframe the story I kept telling myself, and sometimes others.
If I’ve always known my focus:(mom)hood role would cease in its current form, then it has been important to seek and determine what’s next. The what-comes-next process has been a long running research and contemplation effort. Numerous interests, the desire to learn, while remaining gainfully employed full-time, coupled with the focus:(mom)hood project… well, see above. Chaotic mind-chatter!
I wavered in this shiny new Snap! revelation. Could I really reframe my lack chatter? Call in the troops. I share Snap! with her, asking that she call me out if I wasn’t speaking a truth. Could she see me in the Snap!? Was I being honest in this contemplation?
I hear an excited “Yes!” followed by affirming and loving statements as to how she sees me, has always seen me. Seems my Snap! offered my best pal some joy as well. The conversation closed. Relief and something more continued.
I gently, humbly, with total reverence, acknowledged and gave thanks for the moments of grace I had been bestowed. And started reframing my story! So continues the journey.
This is not just a tree.
This is Her tree.
Other acts of bravery have followed,
but nestled securely in the bend of the branch,
scared and exhilarated, three feet above the ground
exclaiming “I can do it!”
as the grip on her mommy’s hands loosened,
this was her first.
Her tree has served her well. It has been
sanctuary, leaves shadowing her on her perch;
Counselor, holding her hopes, dreams, woes,
quietly listening, leaves softly rustling in response,
offering comfort and protection.
Her tree mirrors her beauty, the rich color and
steadfast majestic growth of the tree reflected in Her
brilliant eyes, strong shoulders, far reaching limbs.
Each sway in the wind; both remain rooted in love.
Typically Monday through Saturday, the hustle and bustle of the surrounding neighborhood can be heard through the open windows of our 7-story building. There is some comfort in the city sounds, the activities a reminder we are thriving. Sundays provide a nice respite from the usual quick pace and outside activity.
It is a beautiful Sunday morning at Fairfield Manor. The city is slow to rise. Quiet. The sun is shining, gently gleaming into our amazing abundance of windows and French doors. The morning dew is reflected in the trees and grass, lush green and vibrant. Birds are chattering, cicada chirps fade as they settle in for their nap, and a gentle cool breeze drifts into our spaces. It is a lovely day.
What’s the view from your room?