NC: You have presented some twists and shifts to whatever preconceived plan I had. For the new location, new connection, new gig, I give thanks. I stepped into the next big adventure to experience this big adventure. Gratitude.
I could pen a novel I think, about how I adore you. The depth of meaning you hold and the offered reflection you have provided would still likely not be captured. So I say,
Fiction or no
Romance, mystery, suspense, poetry
Laughter, tears of joy, sorrow
Authors and poets sharing wisdom
Words written and bound
Pages turned back and forth, back again
Texture, weight – meaning
Early on you opened my world to
Adventure, beauty, possibility
A constant source,
The direct route to peace
Then, still, always I will carry you with me.
to right the less than inspired emotions that emerge from a feeling of lack. Lack of employment and the many stops I’ve put in place surrounding the lack of income. In fact, I am wrong. I am abundantly wealthy. Riches overflow and have little if anything to do with dollars. The job hunt, one that has truly turned into a foraging, will undoubtedly show itself to be measured out exactly as it should be. In faith the journey continues.
So on this incredibly beautiful NC morning of gentle, cool breezes, with a view out my window of erupting green against a backdrop of blue cloudless sky, the chatter of the birds sharing their morning story, I humbly bow my head in reverence to the wealth of grace and beauty that gently holds me.
A welcome good morning to you, my friends.
You have not always been at the forefront of my thoughts, a shame really. I mean there is an abundance of gratitude I do feel for you, though in my life I do not think you have heard it expressed directly. Over the course of my life, you have carried me forward 600 months, give or take a few. Marching band, hikes, biking, casual walks, dancing, exercise, up stairs and down. You have covered countless miles.
There have been a few specific experiences where you brought my attention to you front and center. Remember the Grand Tetons? That 7-day backpacking trek through, over and around the mountains… It was a glorious adventure, and you held up your end of that bargain with flying colors. I took you for granted, and you did not let me down. You held the weight of that pack, those wool socks and boots, through snow, water, shale, along switchbacks and through meadows. You were strong and steadfast, and held me up through to the end.
I unwittingly did you harm the fall of 2013. I did not prepare you well for a work event and wore shoes not suitable for the work that we were tasked with. My unfortunate poor choice in footwear created a pain in the right foot that stays with us still. For the most part, each step I take, or balance pose I attempt, is a reminder of the healing that continues to take place. You continue to heal. Even with the discomfort, you still carry me on.
Thank you for the places you have carried me, and for your supportive ways.
You are more than shelter. Which isn’t to say that in and of itself isn’t appreciated. Most definitely, one of life’s core securities is having shelter. And for that I am most grateful; you are not taken for granted.
You are my safe space. You wrap yourself around me gently, having allowed me to create a sense of security for all who enter and share in this space with me. Through you, I offer and live in safe haven.
Home, you patiently stand solid as I switch out your rooms, creating new and sometimes unexpected use of space. The definition of dining room is human expressed, and you have witnessed that space as a music room, sleeping quarters, dressing room, library and numerous other expressions suited to the moment or situation over the years. Thank you for being an outlet as I repurpose and creatively redefine spaces.
Structurally, your form has changed due to life’s surprises and twists, and also sometimes by my measure of determined initiation. As an adult, no matter the location, I have been blessed by your shelter and safety. What would I do if I didn’t have you as a means to redefine space, to showcase collected items of meaning, to share with others my safe and welcome haven?
My daughter, Love. Happy birthday. Today marks 19 years of unconditional, filled to the brim, pay attention to every day, moments of love. Each day for all of your years, I have known my role as your mommy was to care for you, raise you up, and step back as you make your way. Stepping back, but still beside you. For guidance, laughter, support, those “Mom, guess what?!” happy and less happy phone calls, those expressions of confusion and enlightenment as you grow and continue to create the life you want to live.
You have heard me say to you “I love you so” countless times. For me, it is a boundless sentiment but an unworthy statement, not quite capturing the enormity of how I have been blessed by you. I am accountable to this parental love I have been gifted.
Peace and gratitude, Love.
Somewhat of a cheat here, but all the days have been similar in task, and honestly they got away from me in terms of posts. The recap really is all about boxes and working the j.o.b. And music. There has been music.
Boxes — what to box (pondering and executing this since Thanksgiving weekend); how to box; how to ship the box(es); circle back and begin again. Tunes have crossed genre and format, vinyl to CD to streaming. All marvelous and dedicated to keep moving.
J.O.B. — what to box, oh no, no, no, already doing that (see above!)… working regular hours and overtime to complete tasks so no else has to do them; shifting tasks that will go beyond my leave date to my team; training with a team member to implement a new content management system to help achieve outlined goals; consolidating processes of the current and ongoing original CMS with the other team member; assuring the players they are great at what they do and that I’ll be a phone call away if they need that reminder. The tunes were set to alt995.com, with speakers adjusted lower during staff times and noticeably louder when alone in the office.
By nature of needing to load those boxes this coming weekend, the cycle of box contemplation and prep will soon end. There will be relief in that.
The j.o.b continues through next week, overtime as well. And by nature of a leave date, this 15+ year gig will also end.
Cycles. Conclusions. Next big adventures. What it’s all about.
Friday. Marks a week of calls, creative adjustments and new plans for move of “stuff”. I didn’t anticipate those processes being more of a challenge than transporting the family pet across several states and many hours. Chalk it all up to doable challenge I suppose.
Overtime equates to the work week not being over at the close of today. Had the normal 40 hours for this gig been in effect, I would have gotten to leave yesterday at noon. I’ve decided it will be easier to embrace this week into the next two work weeks as a unit of time that won’t be measured in hours but rather in conclusions of tasks. We’ll see if that masks the other ways I would otherwise choose to spend my non-work time.
As the Universe smiles upon me, reminding me to see humor in things large and small, I just opened a “Recognition of Service” thank-you card from my employer. Early February would mark my 17th year of service.
This week also brought about a daily text exchange with someone who’d been out of touch for a number of years. The brief interlude has been fun, past shared experiences recalled, through as few as a handful of words that spark the reason we possibly connected originally.
The Universe smiles.
Day 14 into the month. Places and faces encountered as potential lasts for some time to come. Heightened focus on the conversation, laughter, the choice and taste of the meal, the space, the people wandering from here to there, and the embrace.
I’m fortunate that there will be more times to chat with H before I hit the road.
Daniel, one of the CS3 crew that makes the space the space, was a potential long-term good-bye. So glad he was at our table, offering his usual spirit and attentiveness.
These IN people and spaces are part of me, extensions of my good life.