I’m on a mission. Purpose driven. Big stuff. Balancing the heavy with humor the best I can. Reading helps, as does rest. Snacks, too.
Until very recently I held this notion that I lacked focus. For me this notion propelled my normal flits of thought into chaotic mind-chatter, compelling me to believe I wasn’t contributing anything of purpose back into my world. Crazy talk, I tell you! My self isn’t always generous with me.
It seems my higher-self decided she’d had enough of me and offered some clarity. Snap! The thought materializes. I see and hear it! A realization that I have in fact been intently focused. A wonderfully long-term focus. (Mom)-hood. Huge moment of expansion. Relief. Maybe what I contribute does matter. Perhaps I am offering something meaningful.
A clarification of focus:(mom)hood:
I make my choices and try to move in directions that best support raising my daughter. As I believe processes to roll, I get the privilege of always being her mommy. I am meant to encourage, support, and amaze in her growing years, so that she might step into her own strong, equipped and enlightened self. There is meant to be a degree of separation to come.
Back to my Snap! moment. With the relief, and clarification of my role as mom, I had to quickly assess my perceived lack of focus. It seemed this meant I could reframe the story I kept telling myself, and sometimes others.
If I’ve always known my focus:(mom)hood role would cease in its current form, then it has been important to seek and determine what’s next. The what-comes-next process has been a long running research and contemplation effort. Numerous interests, the desire to learn, while remaining gainfully employed full-time, coupled with the focus:(mom)hood project… well, see above. Chaotic mind-chatter!
I wavered in this shiny new Snap! revelation. Could I really reframe my lack chatter? Call in the troops. I share Snap! with her, asking that she call me out if I wasn’t speaking a truth. Could she see me in the Snap!? Was I being honest in this contemplation?
I hear an excited “Yes!” followed by affirming and loving statements as to how she sees me, has always seen me. Seems my Snap! offered my best pal some joy as well. The conversation closed. Relief and something more continued.
I gently, humbly, with total reverence, acknowledged and gave thanks for the moments of grace I had been bestowed. And started reframing my story! So continues the journey.